This year I want to attempt things and see others attempt things. I’m not so interested in finishing anything, or seeing perfectly completed things made by others. I want this to be the year of the attempt. This could be the year I read War and Peace again, or some of Sylvia Plath’s poems. This could be the year I start to write another novel. This could be the year I dance every day or swim in cool water. This could be the year I fail at many things, but it will not be the year I did not begin. I may write a blog every week or this may be the only one. I am not afraid of failing.

My year began in Cornwall again with Anna and Rupert. The spread of delight they provided was breath-taking, and it has given me so much. Definitely a year’s worth of inspiration. As usual I’m not planning this bit of writing, so the parts of the celebration will come together randomly, in the order I think of them.

First the sound of the fire spun by Paolo and Lou. When we placed our sticks on the fire, with our words of desire written on them, Paolo and Lou serenaded the fire pit with their fiery poi, moving them back and forth through the windy night air. As the burning poi moved against the wind they caught their breath in a great wild rush, noisily hushing the spirits, summoning them to the wishes lovingly placed by us all in the fire. That sound held me entranced, brought tears to my eyes, summoned in me a new willingness to ask, to receive, to ask again.

There is no order. Later we completed a ceremony to call in a symbol to represent us into the New Year, and draw it on a circle of cloth. After much drawing and writing on paper we found ourselves beside a deep pool and we were invited to visualise an image from the deep. It was frightening and thrilling to discover later from Louise that she and I had called up the exact same image, and also thrilling to find how different our final representations of that same image were. The depth of connection between us is wonderful, and our ability to develop and explore is wonderful too.

Desire. This comes next in my ramble over the turn of the year. 2017 brought me the thing I most desired and also the thing I least desired. They sit there in the year forever. The year I met and fell in love with Louise; the year Daniel died. Was it a good year? Rupert showed us a video of Mooji talking. I think there was something in what Mooji said that might help me answer that question. I myself put a quote from Kaveh Akbar at the beginning of my poem about Ant Rodwell – desire like a tiger sprinting off the edge of the world – this feels like the wrong quote now, but what was it I said at the beginning? – this is not about right, this is about having a go. This is the Mooji paragraph.

By reason of physical resemblance I’ll move on to Rupert and Biodanza and Clean Language and everything. I’m beginning to realise that though I love Biodanza, there are certain teachers who inspire me especially. Rupert is one of those and it was an absolute joy to dance his vivencias. His passion and commitment, the brightness in his eyes when he demonstrates an exercise, just wow, oh wow! It is now five years in a row that I have danced in the New Year with Biodanza and last year and this with Rupert. I cannot imagine any other way of running out of one year and into the next.

And all those other people who were with me – you know who you are – what a joy it all was. John singing. Henry singing. Judy and William embracing. Dancing in the final circle with Louise at the end of the last day. Sarah’s African garment. Knowing people, actually knowing, well not actually, but you know. Tea leaves and chickens, a map of the world. Anna, of course, serene, orderly and beautiful, inspiring calm. A swan in the river. Andrew, dear friend. Kathy, Tom, Val, Abbie. Jane, Julia, Franca. Yes. And this is not about remembering everyone or forgetting, this is me now, back home in Newbury.

A note about knowing someone. When I arrived I said a vague hello to Alexandra and did not really remember that I knew her from last year, at least not in what capacity. I enjoyed dancing with her and seeing her over the first two days, and came to know a lovely version of her (created by me) and then on the last day she worked with us on our mandalas and I remembered that last year she had shepherded our ceremony with the swans. I now knew her differently, and the person I did not know was not available to me. I liked the new person too, but missed the other one. Funny, eh?

Back to Anna and Rupert. Thank you both so very much. There are many things I haven’t said here about the wonderfulness of the experience, but the most important thing of all to do is to embrace you both with warmth and love and gratitude. You have begun something very special and I am honoured to be part of it. I am moving into this New Year full of excitement and anticipation.

Finally, then, the tip for the year. Have a go. Don’t worry about failing or finishing, be sure to have a go. Try something new. Taste it. Spit it out if you don’t like it. Try something else.

And dance.