It was my Mum’s birthday last week, and the anniversary of her death. I’ve just found a letter I wrote to her on the day she died. I’ve copied it out here:

Dear Mum

I saw a skylark this morning. I think it was an angel here to collect you. It sang for me with blissful abandon before disappearing to find where you were and take you by the hand and lead you out of that tired old body into a better place, another place.

Some people do not believe in souls, but I do – well I believe you are here about the place, in the sunlight, in the wind. I believe you are with me all the ways of my life, guiding me, misleading me sometimes, but with me.

I feel surprisingly alone when I realise that you will never occupy that chair anymore, never answer one of my questions about a book or a poem. You had a clarity that surprised me sometimes, a depth of understanding that you kept very quiet. I shall miss that.

I wonder if your spirit is entwined with Tim and Bry now, dancing some eternal dance. I hope so. It seems fitting.

Did you laugh and remember when the moment of freedom, of release, when the moment that ended the struggle came? I read somewhere, that lovely, lovely thought that at the moment of death, or the moment after, there is a sudden understanding, and joyous amused laughter – “Oh, yes, now I remember!”

Was it like that? I hope so.

with love from Mike