The idea I am writing about tonight is a little surprising. Obviously falling in love is not surprising, but falling in love with the book I am writing is a diversion from the normal romantic love for another person. I went to see a film tonight, A United Kingdom, a beautiful love story between the king of Bechuanaland and a white English woman. It was a lovely film and the falling in love of the two people was very well shown, and made me feel the way I have felt on the occasions when I have been in love. At the same time I realised that the same feeling had been occurring to me today when I was working on this new book. I also realised that I quite often feel like this when I am writing, and I also was aware that I don’t very often let the feeling take me all the way to the completion of a project. That in turn led me to wonder if that is why I am alone, romantically.

I’ll stay away from the absence of a romantic partner in my life and concentrate on the romantic attachment I have for what I am writing. If I can allow myself to go all the way with this project I may be able to create something really beautiful. If I follow my heart on every occasion it takes me down some unknown road, if I start to complete some of the crazy tasks I set for myself, if I trust my instinct in the matter of this new story, then maybe I will find a way from the chaos of the initial obsession into the steady and fulfilling place where a peaceful outcome is possible.

I read today about a martenitsa. It is a piece of cloth not unlike the ribbons people often wear nowadays to  show awareness of different causes. The martenitsa is worn from Baba Marta Day, March 1st until you see the first stork or swallow or blossoming tree. It is a Bulgarian tradition and I found reference to it as I investigated the migration of the white stork to and from Estonia. It signifies the coming of spring.  I am mentioning it here because I feel that it is time for me to tie a symbol like this to my person and keep it there until I am through the passionate stage of this story, and into the productive stage of summer, and looking forward to the harvest. I think it is fortunate that I am writing this in the middle of winter and have plenty of time to enjoy the initial stages of this project.

I hope my metaphor makes sense, and is not too mixed! I am writing this first for myself, as a way to understand how I fail, and how I might succeed. If it is interesting or helpful, or even just entertaining to someone else, that is a bonus.